Are you on the right track? Will you ever get what you want? Will your dreams come true? Will your boss/spouse/child/friend ever get it? Will people ever get how great/cool/smart/hard-working you are? Will you ever be known for who you are? Your best self? Will people ever see the real you? The caring, helpful, smart you?
Are you trying to control everything? If any of the above referenced thoughts have ever come into your head or passed your lips, you are. Maybe you are not controlling everything – maybe you think you can’t. Which is a good thought because you can’t anyway and the sooner you get used to that the better.
Do you think I’m saying “give up?” Not at all. If you think about it, you will know that you only seek to control others when you feel out of control yourself. If you are feeling good with who you are, if you look at yourself with compassion and feel at ease, you will do the same with everyone else. If you feel you have done something wrong, or didn’t do something right, you will want to control others. And if you are shaking your head and saying, “not me,” I would never do that, I only help others then you should know the flip side of being helpful and in charge is control.
There’s a lot of talk about goals and focus because if we are looking to someone else for our goals, if we are following another’s plan, we are doomed to create a nightmare of misaligned focus for ourselves. The only one we can control is ourselves and the only control that is really effective is that of our mind. With our mind at ease we are the person we want to be, the person we want to be with, the person others want to be with.
Our happiness is not affected by those around us. It is the thoughts in our head that lead to happiness or unhappiness. It sure looks like our surroundings are the culprit sometimes, maybe all the time, but it’s what we make of it that counts. Otherwise we would all have the same reaction to the same things and agree more of the time.
You can be happy without things, people, events or places. You need nothing to be happy. Beliefs are thoughts you’ve had over and over, they are trained conventions in your head. You can’t trust them because they were either put there by someone else or you formed them out of fear or a need for security. They perpetuate whatever state you are in; if you are thinking compassionate thoughts, compassion will be your now, ruminating over what’s happened against you, you will feel bad in the now. What the mind thinks about grows stronger. “Use it or lose it” is a good saying here – you can actually lose your anxiety, your fear if you don’t feed it with your thoughts. If you are living in the moment, you don’t need a script because your emotions direct you minute by minute. If now is the only time for you, you are not telling yourself stories. My meditation teacher always said, “the mind is constantly explaining itself to itself.” This is a distraction, a defense, an aversive reaction to keep the now under control. But we only feel the need for the now to be in control when we are out of control, and we are only out of control when we are not in the now.
We will know when in every moment we can feel our intuition and respond.