“I have a friend, Pam White, who is a very gifted artist, a photographer, a blogger, an insight coach and a dear friend and I have been turning to her lately for help in sorting through the pressures and tensions of moving, waiting to sell Bedlam Farm, and four books coming out at the same time. We talk on the phone – I pay her for her time. She is warm, funny, direct and very insightful. This time is a test for me, a challenge, from sleeping to money to making good decisions. How far have I come with fear? How good are my decisions? How can I stay strong and focused and do my work well?
It is so important to me to know when to ask for help, when to listen. A spiritual journey is never done, one is never there, but always on the way, always a work in progress. And Pam is one of those magical helpers who appears at the right time.
I am touched, surprised by her concern for me. She seems to know when I need help, and seems to be there. She really cares and wants to help – I so rarely feel that – and she has guided me into more meaningful meditation with concrete advice, and we talk a lot about keeping the center strong in the face of change and challenge. She is very much like me, which is wonderful and jarring and this is perhaps why she knows my mind so well. She offered me the most powerful insight the other day, suggesting that my work on the new farm with Maria was a mirror, a reflection of me, inside-outside. As we are painting, cleaning, discovering the beauty and character of our new home, so am I working to do these things for myself.
A part of this process is inside, a part of it is outside. This is an important revelation for me, and the truth of it struck home. This is why I was so drawn to the New Bedlam Farm, am so determined to get there and live there. It is a reflection of me, a joining of the inside and outside, into one thing. I thank Pam for that. This has helped me to see my life in an important way.”
And more from Jon:
“In the last few months I have found a spiritual counselor who connects with me, who has challenged and educated me, who has helped me see fear as an entrenched habit. She has helped me detach myself from it, and see fear as separate from the reality of life. She has helped me learn to trust myself, my decisions, my competence and my skills. To stand in my truth, find my voice, and to speak it. Pam White has also helped me to use meditation in the most profoundly significant way, to see my mind at work and move through the fear to a more authentic voice.
Fear smothers hope and creativity and it blocks authenticity as well. The last few months have been difficult – sometimes terrifying – but I almost literally felt a poison passing through my body. I think of this encounter with fear as an exorcism.
I have always believed I could get there, always seen fear as something I was determined to move past. I have no illusions that it will disappear totally or forever – that seems myopic to me. But it is moving into its right place, a nasty habit in the corner of my mind, a shadow on the soul. It is not running my life anymore. It will never run my life again. I am clear in saying that because finally, and after so many years of wanting this, it is beginning to happen.”
My friend Pam White sent me a meditation she wrote for me on a sketch pad, and it is a beautiful thing. It is called “I am enough,” and one of the lines that caught me read “I no longer feel the need for any effort to be noticed by the world. I am enough.” This spoke me and to where I am now. I have lived most of my life in panic, and it has nearly destroyed me. But in recent months, I am in a great transition from panic to being. I just am not feeling much panic anymore. It isn’t as if I don’t have any problems, or life will be perfect for me. But it is different. It is bewildering to have lived in panic for so long and to not feel it now, it shaped so many of my decisions. What comes next?,” I have asked Pam, and she has responded with her meditation.
I’m not yet sure how to live out of fear and panic – I have my moments, for sure, but I have changed, even more than I might have imagined.
“Thank you again for everything you have done. I LOVE the pictures of Copper and me.
I am beginning to view myself differently.” –Lisa
“Pam has an uncanny ability to elicit people’s deepest and most open responses because she allows you to simply BE. The safety and permission with her witnessing is huge!” –Paula
“Pam has a way of giving permission to just relax and open that is completely unique. I find myself saying things and being myself in ways that amaze and delight me! I have so much more insight into my thinking and how I am communicating my ideas.” -Jo
“When I first saw your art work,I thought of Franz Marc, but I like your work better.” –Nancy